Quotes by Woody Allen

I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.

Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought-- particularly for people who can never remember where they have left things.

It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better... while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more.

Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon.

Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I don't have any fun at all.

My education was dismal. I went to a series of schools for mentally disturbed teachers.

Students achieving Oneness will move on to Twoness.

My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.

To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.

More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other, to total extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly.

It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.

Gratitude : Quotes found on quotationspage.com

250 resumes? Throw it!

With a pile of 300 résumés on his desk and a need to pick someone quickly, my boss told me to make calls on the bottom 50 and toss the rest.

"Throw away 250 résumés?" I asked, shocked.

"What if the best candidates are in there?"

"You have a point," he said. "But then again, I don't need people with bad luck here."

- Becky Horowitz (Reader's digest)